Just what the World Needs
By Johnny Grim
Approximate Length: 30 mins
Synopsis: Rob is totally devastated. Sharon’s left him after thirty years of married bliss because he made one fairly typical blokey mistake. Unfortunately it was one too many! His mate, George drops in with a few beers to lend a sympathetic ear and sink a few while they work on how he’s going to get her to come back.
History: White Roses was first produced by “A lad in sane productions” in Perth at the Phoenix Theatre, Hamilton Hill in August 2009.
The play appeared with two other one-act plays, under the theme ‘What becomes of the broken hearted?’
Reviews: “It was hilarious.”
“Due to the great humour several lines were lost under the audience uproarious laughter.”
“We don’t want to miss any gags.”
Independent Theatre Association (WA) Review of original production.
Performance Rights and copies of the script can be obtained from this website. Please see the Services page.
ROB is sitting on the lounge, watching the news on the TV, sipping a beer. He looks very sorry for himself. GEORGE arrives, knocks on the door and opens it
GEORGE: Rob! Are you there mate?
ROB: Yeah! Come in! (He switches off the TV using the remote.)
GEORGE: (Enters.) How yer going you old bastard?
ROB: Oh I’ve been better mate.
GEORGE: Yeah, so I heard. I stopped in at the bottle shop, on the way through, went top shelf and got us a few Crownies (i.e. boutique beers).
ROB: Mate, you’re all class.
GEORGE: Yeah, thought you might go a beer, but I can see you’ve beaten me to it.
ROB: A six pack ahead of yer mate.
GEORGE: Can you go another?
ROB: Not just now, I’ve one on the go… I’ll go one later.
GEORGE: Sure. I'll just put these in the fridge, be back in a sec. (Leaves stage.)
ROB: No worries...hey mate, thanks for coming over.
GEORGE: (From off stage.) No problem. Sorry I couldn't get over last night. We had the finals of the pool comp.
ROB: Yer, so yer missus said... how did yer go?
GEORGE: Got knocked out in the semis! Played like a dickhead. (Returns, joins ROB on sofa.)
ROB: Ah well, you can’t win em all.
GEORGE: Cheers mate.
ROB: Yeah, cheers.
GEORGE: So! What's this I hear about yer missus leaving?
ROB: Yeah, she’s gone to her mothers. She left some time yesterday, while I was out at work.
GEORGE: Did you guys have a fight?
ROB: Na. We seldom argue... the odd squabble here and there, but nothing serious.
GEORGE: Do you think she’s found another bloke?
ROB: Sharon? Na. (Shakes head.)
GEORGE: Mate. That’s what Dave said when his missus left, him, and look how that turned out.
ROB: Yeah, but what happened to Dave’s missus was a fluke.
GEORGE: True. But his experience shows how easy it can happen. I’ll bet that when his missus went shopping that morning, she had on idea she’d meet the man of her dreams over the freezer counter at Woollies!
ROB: Mate. Did that really happen?
GEORGE: Fucking oath it did. Dave’s wife and this bloke she met leaned into the freezer, and grabbed the very same bag of corncobs. Their eyes met, and that was it. Love at first sight.
ROB: Well I reckon you’ve got a better chance of getting 6 numbers in the Lotto than that happening again.
GEORGE: Mate, that’s why Birds Eye got in and sponsored their wedding.